Why do people pretend to be confident?

People often pretend to be confident because they fear being judged, rejected, or seen as weak. It’s a defense mechanism to mask insecurity and gain social acceptance. However, true confidence comes from embracing your authentic self, not from performing for others.

What is the difference between real confidence and fake confidence?

Real confidence is rooted in self-awareness and humility. It allows space for vulnerability, growth, and imperfection. Fake confidence, on the other hand, is usually loud, performative, and driven by a need for external validation.

How can I stop pretending and be more authentic?

Start by noticing where you're pretending—whether it’s at work, in relationships, or on social media. Create safe spaces to express your true thoughts and feelings, and redefine confidence as the ability to be honest, not flawless. Being authentic is a journey that begins with awareness and self-compassion.

Is it okay to feel insecure sometimes?

Yes, absolutely. Insecurity is a natural part of being human. What matters is how you respond to it. Instead of hiding it behind a mask, allow yourself to feel it, understand its root, and use it as a stepping stone toward growth and deeper confidence.

Who is Samidha Mathur?

Samidha Mathur is a motivational speaker and mental wellness advocate who empowers individuals to live more authentically and heal through self-awareness. She is the founder of Lovely Tiny Things, a platform that offers reflective, growth-oriented content for everyday emotional challenges.

How to Build True Confidence: Stop Pretending and Embrace Your Authentic Self

Samidha Mathur
Jul 21
5 min read

Updated: 3 days ago

Have you ever felt the pressure to appear confident, even when deep down you were unsure of yourself?

You smile, nod, and speak like you’ve got it all figured out — but inside, there’s a quiet discomfort. A voice whispers, “I hope they don’t find out I’m struggling.” This isn’t just you. It’s many of us.

We live in a world where pretending to be okay has become a survival strategy. But what if we could turn that around? What if we found strength not in the image we project, but in the truth we live?

This inspiring blog on how to stop pretending and build true confidence is a call to do just that.

A Motivational Story That Says It All

Anxious man in a suit sitting at a desk, staring at a red rotary phone with hands clasped in worry — symbolizing emotional tension, waiting, or fear of confrontation, relevant to themes of vulnerability and pretending in daily life.

I came across a simple, brilliant story in a book by Shiv Khera. It stayed with me for days. Here’s how it goes:

A young executive, recently promoted, struggled with low self-esteem. Wanting to appear important, he picked up his phone when someone knocked on the door. He pretended to be busy and confidently said, “Yes, I’ll handle that.” After a few moments of fake conversation, he hung up and turned to the man who had walked in.

The visitor smiled and said, “Sir, I’m here to fix your phone.”

Funny, right? Yet, it is painfully relatable.

How often do we pretend to be someone we’re not, just to feel like we belong? How often do we wear a mask, hoping it makes us more acceptable, more successful, or more lovable?

Why Do We Pretend?

A hand holding a black mask against a dark background, representing the act of hiding one's true identity and the emotional burden of pretending.

Pretending isn’t about lying. It’s about survival.

We pretend when we:

Don’t want to appear weak or underqualified.
Fear being judged for our emotions.
Think others won’t accept our real selves.

But here’s what most people don’t realize: Pretending is a symptom of low self-worth, not confidence. It’s like living in constant performance mode, hoping no one notices the cracks.

The Problem with Pretending

On the outside, you may look like you’ve got everything under control. But inside?

You're exhausted trying to keep up the image.
You struggle with impostor syndrome.
You can’t fully connect with others because you fear being seen.

Pretending builds walls, not bridges. Over time, you begin to feel isolated even in a room full of people.

Worse, you lose the freedom to be your true self — the version of you that's beautifully imperfect, learning, evolving, and human.

Real Confidence vs. Fake Confidence

Real confidence is calm. It's rooted in self-awareness.

Fake confidence is loud. It’s driven by fear and validation-seeking.

Let’s compare:

Real Confidence	Fake Confidence
Admits when unsure	Acts like it knows everything
Open to feedback	Feels threatened by criticism
Seeks growth	Seeks approval
Values authenticity	Values image

You don’t need to have all the answers to be confident. You just need to be honest about where you are and willing to grow from there.

How to Stop Pretending and Build True Confidence: Embrace Your Authentic Self

A hand flipping wooden blocks that spell “FAKE” into “FACT,” symbolizing the shift from pretending to embracing authenticity.

If you’re tired of wearing a mask, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about small, mindful ways to start showing up as the real you, one step at a time.

1. Acknowledge Where You’re Pretending

Before you can let go of the mask, you need to know where — and why — you’ve been wearing it.

This starts with honest reflection. Not judgment. Not guilt. Just gentle awareness.

Ask yourself:

Where in my life am I trying to appear “perfect”?

- Is it at work, where I’m afraid to ask for help because I think it makes me look weak?

- Is it on social media, where every post is filtered not just in color but in emotion?

- Or is it in my relationships, where I say “I’m fine” when I’m really hurting?

The desire to appear flawless often comes from a place of fear — fear of being seen as messy, incapable, or too much. But pretending to be perfect disconnects you from your own humanity.

Who do I feel I can’t be real with?

This could be a friend, a parent, a partner, or even a colleague.

Pay attention to the people in your life around whom you shrink or shape-shift. Do you feel you have to “perform” your confidence or success? Do you feel unsafe being emotionally honest?

Sometimes we stay stuck in roles — the responsible one, the cheerful one, the achiever — because we believe it’s the only way we’ll be loved or respected.

What part of myself am I hiding to fit in?

Maybe it’s your vulnerability.

Maybe it’s your creativity.

Maybe it’s the anxiety or grief you’ve been carrying but haven’t dared to share.

Fitting in often asks us to dilute ourselves. But belonging — real, deep, soul-anchored — begins when we stop editing who we are just to feel accepted.

This kind of self-inquiry isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be quite tender. But it’s also liberating. Because once you see where you’ve been pretending, you also start to see where you long to be free.

Awareness is the first and most powerful step in healing. It invites you to stop running. It offers you a mirror, not to criticize yourself, but to finally recognize yourself.

And this recognition? That’s where your real transformation begins.

2. Redefine What Confidence Means to You

It means showing up as you are, even if your voice shakes.

It’s the quiet courage to be seen without the need to perform.

It’s choosing honesty over impression, connection over perfection, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Because that’s where real strength lives: not in how flawlessly you speak, but in how truthfully you show up.

Start affirming this truth daily: “I am enough, even in my becoming.”

Related blog: Learn to Communicate Openly.

3. Find Safe Spaces to Be Real

Whether it's a trusted friend, a journal, or a healing community, create space where your truth feels welcome.

That’s why I created Lovely Tiny Things — a place where people can slow down, reflect, and grow without pressure to perform.

As a motivational speaker and emotional wellness advocate, I’ve seen firsthand: the more we drop the act, the more peace we find within.

4. Permit Yourself to Be a Work-in-Progress

You’re not failing because you’re unsure. You’re evolving.

Real growth doesn’t come from looking like you have it all together. It comes from admitting you don’t, and still taking one step forward.

You are allowed to be:

Not perfect
Not always confident
Still learning

And still, you are worthy of love, respect, and success.

What Happens When You Choose Authenticity

Man removing a white mask, symbolizing the decision to drop pretenses and embrace his true self.

When you stop pretending and start showing up honestly, you’ll notice:

Deeper relationships – because people connect with your real self, not your image.
Inner peace – no more anxiety about being “found out.”
True confidence – because it’s no longer performance-based.
Creative freedom – when you’re not hiding, you’re flowing.

This is where life becomes richer, not louder, but more real.

From the Outside In: Let the Mask Fall

A man standing on the seashore with his arms wide open symbolizing breaking free and stopping pretending anymore.

To anyone out there feeling like they’re constantly performing...

To the ones smiling on the outside and shrinking inside...

To the quiet warriors who think being vulnerable is weakness...

Let this blog be your permission slip: You don’t have to pretend anymore.

The world doesn’t need another perfect version of you. It needs you. Messy, growing, real, and courageous enough to show up that way.

If this motivational blog resonates with you, you might also love:

Wrong Life Decisions and Maturity: Lessons learned from failure.
How Do I Keep Going When Nothing Seems to Be Working? Finding hope in hard times

Final Words from Samidha Mathur

As someone who has worked closely with people navigating emotional storms, I’ve learned this one truth:

Pretending may protect you from judgment, but genuineness will guide you to freedom.

You don’t need to earn your right to be real. You were born with it.

So, take off the mask. Speak the truth. And watch how the world softens around your courage.

Share Your Story

Have you ever caught yourself pretending just to be accepted? What helped you shift? Let’s start a real conversation in the comments below. I’d love to hear about your experience.